The Gang Kidnap M Night Shyamalan
by thesemimaster
Summary: The gang tries to be rich and famous so they hatch a scheme that can't go wrong. Rated M for all the crudeness the show has.


Author's note: This story is rated M for everything the show is rated that for. This story takes place after "The Nightman Cometh." I should say that the views and opinions expressed in here are the opinions of the characters and not of me, the author. Also if you haven't seen The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs, or The Village, you should watch them before you read this. One last thing, did I use the word bang too often or not enough? You can give me some feedback on that one.

* * *

Dennis, Dee, and Mac were sitting in Paddy's Pub. Dennis and Mac were drinking and Dee was doing whatever work she normally did.

"You know," Mac started, "that musical got me to thinking about how awesome it is to be in front of a crowd and being all badass. I'm thinking about trying it again. I mean actors bang girls all the time."

"I don't know," Dennis responded. "I haven't got a single call from anybody who saw this awesome bod. I don't think it's worth it. I think the only actors who get all the chicks are the big-shot movie stars."

"The reason you didn't get any calls is because Charlie got a bunch of old people off the street to watch that thing," Dee said. "They probably didn't even know where they were at."

"Still, old or young, how could anyone resist the charms of Dennis Reynolds?" Dennis asked.

"Dee is right," Mac said. "There weren't any hot chicks at Charlie's musical. They must know that most theatre actors do other dudes."

"You can't judge them all like that," Dee said, looking angry. "One of the theatre actors from my class asked me out. That proves that your little theory is wrong."

Dennis shrugged. "It proves nothing. If I had to bang a dude, I'd pick one who looks as close to a woman as possible. I'm sure he was just wanting to imagine that you were his boyfriend while he was out of town." Dennis turned towards Mac and said, "Right, Mac."

Mac was busy starring at the counter. After Dennis nudged his shoulder, Mac jumped and said, "No I never did a guy who looked like a girl."

Dennis had a confused look on his face. "What are talking about? That wasn't even part of the sentence."

Mac nervously took a gulp of beer. "Right, yeah."

Frank came out of the restroom and sat his newspaper on the bar. "What are you kids talking about?"

"We're talking about how sweet it would be to be movie stars," Dennis said. "You know about all the chicks and the huge orgies and all that stuff."

Frank smiled. "Yeah, movie stars have it made. Not only do they make shitloads of money and bang super models, they do loads of drugs a day. They get to do business with the classy drug dealers."

Dee cleared her throat. "Hey, I hope you guys aren't having any ideas from this. It takes years and years of failure to get into movies. I've been acting since college and I haven't had any luck yet."

Everyone looked at each other for a second. Then Dennis piped up. "Dee, you have no talent and you look like shit all the time. Nobody wants to see somebody like that for any amount of time."

Dee opened her mouth, but wasn't able to say anything in her defense. She turned around and angrily walked away.

"So does anybody have any ideas about how to become movie stars?" Frank asked.

Everybody shook their heads.

It was at that time that the door opened and Charlie came rushing in. "Dudes, I just saw the greatest movie ever. It's called The Sixth Sense and it's about this kid who can see dead people."

Everybody looked at everybody else. "You mean you haven't seen it before. Where've you been Charlie?" Mac said. "That movie came out like ten years ago. How could you have missed it?"

Charlie threw his hands up. "Hey, I've been busy with work and all of my other projects. I can't watch every movie that comes out."

"Hey," Frank started. "How did you like when you found out Bruce Willis was a dead guy?"

"Huh, what are you talking about?"

Dennis studied Charlie's face. "You know, there at the end when Bruce Willis finds out that he was dead the entire movie and since he was dead the little boy was able to see and talk with him. And even though he was dead, he was able to help the kid anyway."

"You're kidding me," Charlie said, looking confused. "Are you sure that he didn't die at the very end? That's the way I interpreted it."

"Were you huffing glue while you were watching it?" Mac asked.

"I might have been sniffing a little during it. I could have sworn that he became Incinerator Man since it looked like he blew up there at the end of the movie and took his wife with him since she was cheating on him with that other dude."

"He didn't blow up, you idiot," Dennis said. "That flash of light meant that he passed on to the next life. You didn't get any of the clues they were showing through the movie? Like how a lot of the objects in his house was red."

"You mean that wasn't because of all the super-heat that his body was producing that was turning stuff red. Man, I'm going to have to watch that movie all over again."

"You know," Dennis said. "That movie was done by M. Night Shyamalan. He always does his movies in or around Philadephia."

Mac slammed his hands down on the counter. "Did you say I. Might Slamaman. I don't like that name and I would never do that. We should just drop the conversation right now."

"Seriously, what's your problem, dude?" Dennis said. "I said M. Night Shyamalan."

"Yeah," Frank said. "He's worked with a lot of big-shot actors. If we could somehow figure out a way to get him to film his next movie in the bar, we could make a lot of green."

"Yeah," Mac said excitedly. "He might even let us be in it. Then we would be on the inside of the hot-chick banging industry." Him and Dennis high-fived each other.

Frank motioned for them to calm down. "You know that there's almost no way that we could get someone that big to film here."

Charlie smiled. "There might be one way."

* * *

The Gang Kidnap M. Night Shyamalan


End file.
